“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Are you upset with your sweetheart; unsatisfied with your raise; bearing physical pain; worried about something; suffering from depression; feeling ignored?  Yet you say “I’m fine” and sweep your emotions under the rug.  We’re not dealing with burnt toast, folks.  The experiences and issues that weave the threads of your life together warrant both attention and discussion.  What’s worse…many of you keep silent the good stuff as well.  If you’ve got a brilliant idea; can help out a situation, love someone with all of your heart… Well, SPEAK ON, DEAR FRIEND!  We spend half of our lives biting our tongues when we should speak up and share ourselves!  Chat up your truth –the connection you make will bring solution, satisfaction and peace of mind.

Net-net:  You want to “stickitivity”, folks? Create an unshakably positive, people-packed future by seeking authenticity in all who surround you.  But more importantly, choose respect for yourself by unabashedly standing in truth and talk it up!  Reveal its power and revel in the liberation it returns.

©2000-2009 by Kimberlie Dykeman. SOAPBOX® is a registered trademark of Kimberlie Dykeman.  This article contains excerpts from copyrighted SOAPBOX® vignettes and Kimberlie Dykeman’s book “Pure Soapbox”.

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In a study, Yale students were sent, one-by-one, down a hallway where they would pass a lab assistant.  The assistant’s hands were full, holding a clipboard, textbooks, papers and a cup of either hot or iced coffee. He asked each passing student for a hand with the cup.

Just minutes later the students read about a fictional person then ranked that individual on a range from warm, thoughtful and social to cold, selfish and less social. You guessed it.  Those who’d held the cup of hot coffee were more likely to rank that individual more positively than the students who’d held the iced java. They were “primed” to do so.  It reflects “the automaticity of everyday life.”  Priming can prompt “good” or “bad” behavior.

Those, for example, who briefly saw words on a screen like “support” or “dependable” acted more cooperatively. Those who saw a briefcase during an experiment became more competitive. From what we touch, smell or see it takes only small sensory cues to influence our behavior.

Priming is most powerful when done in the same sensory mode as the original experience. For example, along the back of the yard of my grandmother’s modest home ran an abandoned railway track. The wood that supported the iron tracks was soaked with creosote. Even today, when I get even a faint whiff of that acrid smell I smile with the memory of many happy times with Grandma Louise.

How are you being primed to feel, act or buy? I have a Las Vegas hotel client that increased per-guest spending and positive views of the hotel staff’s service – even their attractiveness – all evoked by one sensory change. From check-in to gaming areas and hallways, the hotelier wafts the scent of sunscreen lotion. (“Hey honey, we’re on vacation, the world looks good and we’re going to play.”) Why not can prime yourself and those around you for positive experiences?

• What messages and images are on your walls at home to prime your family to feel secure, happy and, well, at home? Or behind you as you sit at your office? What do others repeatedly touch, smell or hear when around you? Do you like to effect those sensory cues evoke?
• What do you share, give away or show others with whom you want to feel closer?
• How can you cultivate closeness and positive memories by special, repeated multi-sensory rituals, foods and celebrations?
• As friends or clients meet with you, what will they smell, see, hear or touch? How might those experiences affect how they feel about you and what you discuss?  It is all about context.

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