Part One: Focus on “Strengths”
Starting a new collaborative effort means getting to know each individual’s strengths (the ways that person excels). Listening and watching for what excites an individual can provide powerful clues to his/her unique abilities and interests. Often friends or colleagues can offer useful insights as well.

After identifying individual strengths, we determine what the student group, as a whole, is good at. Are many members good at the same things?  That’s where the group’s success will lie. Do members have varying talents? Then the group’s success may mean fusing their strengths into something new.

Part Two: Share the Power
Once a group begins working from collective strengths, it is important to foster shared power. Students find it useful to determine- ahead of time- how they will work together when issues arise. This involves recognizing who has well-developed communication skills and can encourage others to contribute when things get tough. It also involves deciding in advance how conflicts will be managed- through compromise, reframing, voting or what? When people share equal power- not just at the beginning but throughout the collaboration- they are more apt to freely contribute their resources and gifts to create a real win-win.

Part Three: Approach challenges with a positive “learning focus”
When challenges arise, and they always do, I encourage a positive, “learning focus.”  No matter what happens, there is always a way to learn something new. This approach may not come naturally; today’s students are not used to persisting when their vision gets clouded. But, if their work stops, they lose a valuable chance to learn. That’s why emphasizing a “learning focus” becomes critical.

Collaboration in Action
One semester my students worked with a local nonprofit to design a new brochure. The students were excited about creating something innovative. But the community partner wanted a brochure like those from the past. It seemed there was an impasse- the community partner wouldn’t give in and the students grew discouraged. The challenge: break the collaboration or learn. Fortunately, the students persisted.

Their solution? They made two brochures and let the community partner decide which one to use. The students learned, produced some great samples for their portfolios, and the community partner got the unexpected benefit of two brochures.

Celebrate Successes
These out-of-classroom experiences are gratifying for me and eye opening for students. It’s rewarding to see them recognize their strengths, develop ways to share power, and cultivate a “learning focus.” I know their collaborative work gives them important leadership tools for the future. That’s something to celebrate- and we do!

Photo from www.sxc.hu.

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Responding from the heart in the face of difficulties is the road less traveled. It is what distinguishes our most inspirational heroes, such as Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Mary Stokes Paul.

I think of the heart as a powerful and loving energy that will not allow our integrity to be compromised and will not compromise the integrity of anyone else. Responding to a potential conflict from the heart leaves us feeling best about ourselves, like our own hero and opens the door for a deepening intimacy in our relationships.

There are many feelings and behaviors that describe the heart, such as love, warmth, and caring. Simply put, they all embody compassion and learning.

In an upsetting situation there are always very important reasons for beliefs, behavior, thoughts or feelings. With an attitude of compassion, we respectfully engage in:

1. Wanting to deeply understand the other person’s position.
2. Learning about our own position and any part we may have in the difficulty.
3. Searching for resolutions that preserve everyone’s integrity.

Although staying heart-connected in the face of upsets is an ideal that no one is always able to maintain, losing our heart does not cause the worst of our difficulties. Failing to learn from those experiences is the Achilles heel that festers into serious relationship problems.

The essential first step in living more heart-connected is to know when you have lost your heart connection. A simple way to know this is to ask yourself, “Am I feeling compassion and am I open to learning about myself and my partner?” Without that awareness you are stuck.

Once you realize that you are disconnected you can:

• Take personal responsibility and acknowledge that you have lost your heart connection. For example, “In trying to prove my point and change you. I lost my heart and I feel badly about that.”
• Do something to regain your center, such as taking some deep breaths or a time out.
• Learn more about the beliefs and fears that created your disconnection. “There are some important issues for me to confront here and I am committed to working on them. I’d also like to know more about your thoughts and feelings.”
• Express sadness about any wounding that occurred when you were disconnected and clean up the difficulties that resulted. Such as, “I feel badly that I disrespected you, and I would like to heal any bad feelings.”
• Begin a compassionate dialogue to resolve the difficulties. “Is there anything else you’re needing before we can try again to get through this issue, and in particular, are you needing anything else from me?

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