The Japanese have a wonderful prayer or “saying” before meals … they say “itedaki masu” the idea of which is to acknowledge and give thanks to all people that were involved in making this food possible and available for me to eat.  To me, this is honoring the principle of people in your life.

I once heard someone speak of how tough it really is to survive in the wilderness.  Most of us do not have the opportunity to know this first hand – but face it, if you did manage to get enough food, protein included; and managed to not get eaten by some wild animal, life would be pretty dull without someone to chat with.  The solitude might just drive you crazy.  We were not designed to live alone.

So let’s take a moment and review the things we do that define us, that give us work and resources we need to live our destiny.  Let us also “notice” the people that support us, work with us and give us the opportunities to do what we do.  You will notice that the list grows.  Be honest in a way that is grounded.  Here is a personal example;  very often I am in a conversation with people about my gift of healing and my love for being a teacher of spirituality and living; sometimes they are rather surprised because they might have met me at a cocktail party or in a business situation.  In these instances I remind them that – a teacher is a teacher only when he or she has a student.  The rest of the time, they (the teacher) might be a parent, a friend, a customer, a patient, and even a student of someone else.

We are the narratives we hold, we are the stories we tell our selves – but what story is complete without all its actors – minor actors, major actors, villains, heroes and let us not forget the jesters.  My invitation here is for you to dance with this awareness.  Honor the people in your life, give thanks to them, but go further … cherish them, nurture them and support them; so they might live their dreams and fulfill their destiny.  Doing this activates the principle of reciprocity … some call it Karma.  But when you activate this principle in your life; you activate a force multiplier.  Wonderful things happen to you, a little bit here, a little bit there and they add up beautifully.  I find that – one good turn or deed or thought begets another.  The opposite is true as well, one bad deed or action leads to another.

So walk with the consciousness that we are connected and that we need people in our lives.  The better the quality of people in our lives the better they will contribute to us in positive ways.  The less they are aligned with our commitments, the less they will be able to support us living our dreams.  Remember, you can choose who you play with so choose your people teams well.  When it comes to family …. That’s whole different ball of wax; I will leave that up to you.

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Many parents may disagree on how to raise their children, but few would disagree that Child A below entering college or the work force has a much better chance for a good life than Child B.

Child A

• Focused
• Resilient
• Persistent
• Passionate
• Goal-oriented
• Handles Disappointment Well
• Doesn’t Take Self Too Seriously
• Coachable

Child B

• Scattered
• Quits
• Bails
• Bored
• No Goals
• Is Easily Upset
• Hypersensitive
• Know-it-all

12 Steps to a More Self-Confident Child*

1. Print up this blog for your children and the article from Divorce Magazine (from which these charts are excerpted) for your spouse (or ex-spouse).
2. Ask your children and your spouse if you can sit down with them to discuss something that relates to your children’s futures and is on your mind.
3. Have your children read this blog and have you and your spouse read the Divorce Magazine article and look at the chart re: Child A and Child B (which will help you be aware of how you and your relationship with your spouse influence your children’s personalities).
4. Ask your children if they think that Child A will not only be more successful and happier, but will be looked upon more positively by friends and others who may be that child’s teachers, boss or even future boy friend or girl friend (Hopefully they will agree).
5. Ask your children how they believe they would be viewed with regard to the traits in both Child A and Child B by their friends and those people in their life (including you) who have the power to grade them (teachers), accept them into college, hire them, promote them and give them raises.
6. Ask your children to describe what they do or don’t do that would cause those people to see them that way.
7. If your children answer that they are more like the insecure Child B rather than the confident Child A, ask them if they would like to become more like Child A? (Hopefully they will again say, “Yes”).
8. If your children answer, “Yes,” ask them what they specifically would need to do differently to become more like Child A and what you and their other parent will need to do differently to help them become that way.
9. Ask your spouse if they will participate in working together with you to help your children become more like Child A.
10. Set up a plan with one observable positive “do” behavior and one observable negative “stop doing” behavior for your children to commit to changing every month (after a month that behavior will become a habit and if they pick too many behaviors to change, they will not be able to do it) and keep doing this until they become more like Child A than Child B.
11. Set a date every two weeks to check in and to see how they are coming along with that change and for your children and you and your spouse to offer refinements to improve those selected behaviors even further.
12. Also include you and your spouse changing your behaviors according to what your children say you each could do differently to help them.

* This approach was inspired by the work and ideas of Marshall Goldsmith, one of the world’s preeminent executive coaches and author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful. Check that book out if you want to improve your interpersonal skills and greatly increase your career success.

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