Seek First to Understand

A former client of ours, a marketing executive, used to remind himself and his staff to seek “first to understand, then to be understood.” That sage advice is from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey, and great advice it is, in our personal lives and in business.

Most people, it seems, talk more than listen. They want to be heard, want to make their point. But don’t we all respond better to someone who listens to us? Really listens, so that we feel that we are actually understood? The difference is profound.

It is important advice to remember in discussions where there are different points of view, such as with people from different departments in a company. In fact, this is where our client usually found the reminder most helpful. A company’s president, CFO, head of HR, and head of marketing typically have a very different points of view about issues that affect the company.

The advice is important in negotiation. Rather than just pressing for what you want, if you first understand what is most important to the party you are negotiating with, you may well be able to come to an agreement that gives you both more of what you want.

The advice is important in personal relationships. Many arguments stem from a simple misunderstanding. Mismatched expectations or underlying assumptions are often the problem. Rather than reacting to what was said, if we seek first to understand what the other person expects and assumes, the conversation may not turn into an argument at all.

Being a marketing guy, I’ve found that this great advice is rarely considered in marketing or in sales. Most companies’ marketing reflects the company’s point of view rather than the customers’. But we know that isn’t effective. Prospective customers want to know what the product or service will do for them, not just what it will do. They want to know how what the company offers meets their needs, relieves their pain, or fulfills their desires. They want to know why they should deal with that company, not just why the company thinks its offerings are worth buying.

Here is a sales example: Let’s say you are shopping for tires. The salesman tells you all about the latest performance tires that look cool and really hug the curves. But if you are interested in tires that will last the longest, guess what? He has lost you.

If he pushes the latest “in” thing like tires have the lowest profile, and you are interested in tires that give a comfortable ride or have the best safety rating, he has lost you.

But, if he seeks first to understand what is important to you rather than just telling you what he think is sales-worthy, he can connect with you. And probably sell you some tires.

By seeking first to understand, we can then communicate more readily with the people in our lives, and, in business, with clients and customers.

Understand?

Photo by maldiviandude.

Related posts:

1. Understand The Perspective, Don’t Label the Person