“First, Take Good Care of Each Other.” That’s what the sign in the lobby of each Experient office says. When I was part of the leadership team there, we had a very strong belief that in order to lead the industry in serving our external clients and suppliers, we had to first play well in our own sandbox. The sign in the lobby was a gift from the Anaheim Marriott’s GM, Doug Watson, who also believed in the power of internal customer service.

We all have customers, whether they are external or internal. High-performing organizations will develop and nurture a culture that emphasizes a strong commitment to service, in house and out in the field. Employees who enjoy their jobs and their relationships with their co-workers are more likely to offer excellent service when it comes to the paying customers.

Here are some ways to develop great internal service culture:

Get together — Pot-luck lunches, drinks after work, birthday celebrations, a community project … these are just a few of the ways employees from different departments can come together to get to know each other, beyond the day-to-day grind.

Show gratitude — When was the last time you thanked someone in accounting or told his or her boss how valuable s/he is? How about arranging to have candy or pizza delivered to some of your colleagues who are working through crunch time? Or maybe really blow them away and proactively offer your assistance? Random acts of kindness are truly appreciated, especially by those in the trenches. An organization that has a good balance of timely public and private recognition is sure to have motivated employees.

Walk a mile in their shoes — Does everyone in your organization understand and appreciate the various responsibilities of their co-workers and how they can positively or negatively affect their efforts? Have you ever shadowed another department for a day or even a few hours? This tactic is especially insightful for those departments that rely on each other. Complaints will quickly diminish.

Coordinate deadlines — Instead of directing co-workers to turn a project around by what may be an unreasonable date, ask them what kind of turnaround works for them, given their other priorities.

Cut the gossip — If someone complains to you about another employee, do you instruct them to take their issue directly to that employee or do you help spread the disease within your organization?

Make team decisions — Are decisions made from above and then communicated to the rank and file or are employees asked to provide valuable input on decisions that impact their area?

Standardize service, inside and out — Have you developed best practices for providing service that apply to both external and internal customers?  Do they address speed of response, tone, attitude, and mutual respect? Are they reinforced and recognized on an ongoing basis?

Take Away

To distinguish yourself as an organization that delivers exceptional customer service, you need to start from the inside out, and from the top down. That means cultivating an internal culture of respect and support for each other, from the CEO to the receptionist.

You can help that along by seeking opportunities to:  get together outside of the office, thank each other for a job well done, get to know everyone’s roles, communicate directly with each other, and work together as a team — especially when it comes to making deadlines and decisions.

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In my training as a business coach, I was fascinated to learn a term for the space between where you are and where you want to be: edge.

Two examples in my manual are:

1. Trying on a new idea or perspective.
2. Being a shy person and choosing to speak up.

I certainly know the feeling and suspect you do, too. That’s where the word edgy comes up – that uncomfortable place between who you are now and who you’d like to become.

The illustration in one of my coaching manuals describing this scenario as an upside-down V.  Over the holidays I received a delightful holiday card from my friend and colleague bearing an illustration by her son. It was actually a more memorable representation than the one in my fancy notebook, illustrating the unstable and scary place between those worlds. There’s the “skier” whose primary identity (shy person) is on the left. The secondary identity (one who speaks up) is on the right and an arrow crossing the peak of the V pointing from the primary to the secondary. When we’re poised on the top of that mountain, it’s a tenuous place.

I have a fairly successful track record, but there are still times when I find myself terrified when a new challenge comes my way. Part of my success has come from consistently looking for higher bars to vault over.

My recommendation for those of you “on the edge” is to break intimidating tasks into their tiniest fragments. Basically the way to overcome fear boils down to writing a letter, dialing the phone or putting a higher sticker price on your product or service. More often than not, what terrifies me and a lot of other people, is the anticipation before you do something and the fear that comes afterward. Actually doing the thing you are afraid of is often the easy part. Go for it!

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During a recent interview with Bob Knorpp of “The Beancast,” the topic of transparency came up. In particular, should the concept of “transparency” be mandatory for companies and their executives? With the pervasiveness of tools like Twitter, blogs and Youtube, it certainly is a lot easier to be transparent. And given the current state of the financial and auto industries, one might think “corporate transparency” might be ripe for its own constitutional amendment.

While those of you that know me understand that I am a big proponent of transparency, I told Bob in our interview that he’s barking up the wrong tree. While we should all strive toward being as transparent as possible, the real holy grail is actually “authenticity.” Yes, the two are linked conceptually, but they mean fairly different things. One is about allowing for complete visibility into one’s public and private activities. The other is focused on the concept of being genuine and communicating real feelings – good or bad.

What does this mean for you? Well, for one it gives you a little bit of wiggle room when it comes to sensitive issues like employee compensation (most folks agree that we really aren’t ready for everyone to know how much we all make). It also means that how you conduct yourself is more important than what you are willing to tell people. To reinforce this point, just see what people are saying about Bear Grylls of tv show Man vs. Wild fame. While his show is much more engaging and exciting than Survivorman, his lack of “authenticity” has hurt his credibility.

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Responding from the heart in the face of difficulties is the road less traveled. It is what distinguishes our most inspirational heroes, such as Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Mary Stokes Paul.

I think of the heart as a powerful and loving energy that will not allow our integrity to be compromised and will not compromise the integrity of anyone else. Responding to a potential conflict from the heart leaves us feeling best about ourselves, like our own hero and opens the door for a deepening intimacy in our relationships.

There are many feelings and behaviors that describe the heart, such as love, warmth, and caring. Simply put, they all embody compassion and learning.

In an upsetting situation there are always very important reasons for beliefs, behavior, thoughts or feelings. With an attitude of compassion, we respectfully engage in:

1. Wanting to deeply understand the other person’s position.
2. Learning about our own position and any part we may have in the difficulty.
3. Searching for resolutions that preserve everyone’s integrity.

Although staying heart-connected in the face of upsets is an ideal that no one is always able to maintain, losing our heart does not cause the worst of our difficulties. Failing to learn from those experiences is the Achilles heel that festers into serious relationship problems.

The essential first step in living more heart-connected is to know when you have lost your heart connection. A simple way to know this is to ask yourself, “Am I feeling compassion and am I open to learning about myself and my partner?” Without that awareness you are stuck.

Once you realize that you are disconnected you can:

• Take personal responsibility and acknowledge that you have lost your heart connection. For example, “In trying to prove my point and change you. I lost my heart and I feel badly about that.”
• Do something to regain your center, such as taking some deep breaths or a time out.
• Learn more about the beliefs and fears that created your disconnection. “There are some important issues for me to confront here and I am committed to working on them. I’d also like to know more about your thoughts and feelings.”
• Express sadness about any wounding that occurred when you were disconnected and clean up the difficulties that resulted. Such as, “I feel badly that I disrespected you, and I would like to heal any bad feelings.”
• Begin a compassionate dialogue to resolve the difficulties. “Is there anything else you’re needing before we can try again to get through this issue, and in particular, are you needing anything else from me?

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In recent years, society has all but relegated the pursuit of the collective interest to the world “as it ought to be,” a pursuit given lip service at religious services, political rallies, and during half time at sporting events as coaches try to motivate their teams.  Meanwhile, we have grown to accept self-interest as the real world of making a living and paying the bills, and of running a political machine.  The thought that, outside their own immediate families, people are motivated by anything other than ambition and greed is considered naïve.  To see the world as fundamentally Machiavellian is considered rational.

The problem with these assumptions is not only that they are simplistic and misleading, but that by accepting them as factual, we perpetuate a tyranny of low expectations, and we fail to employ other levers for cooperation and human advancement that are at our disposal.

Humans are an obligatorially gregarious species, meaning that we have always lived in social structures in which our survival is heavily dependent on one another.  According to the “social brain hypothesis,” the driving force behind the evolution of enhanced intelligence was the need to manage the intricate social bonds that kept us alive.  The line of hominids that led to us branched off on its own distinctive path as much as seven million years ago.  During 99.9 percent of that vast expanse of time, the interest of the individual and the interest of the family or tribe were so tightly intertwined as to be almost indistinguishable.  Even if a brutal egoist could survive for a while at the expense of those around him, without a healthy and sustainable framework of social bonds to protect them, rarely if ever would his heirs live long enough to reproduce.  Thus the genes that survived as part of our biological heritage are heavily biased toward the formation and attentive maintenance of human attachments and collective efforts.  That is evidenced by how social context “gets under our skin” in profound ways: Loneliness, for instance, can alter the DNA transcription in your immune cells.

I don’t buy the justifications for greed, either from the school of “rational self interest,” or from the “they’re all a bunch of crooks” school that simply abdicates responsibility and looks the other way. Top down efforts to constrain self-interested behavior—legal sanctions and moral codes—can only do so much.  The most effective lever for improving human behavior is bottom up: it lies in what we as individuals envy, expect, accept, and celebrate.

– John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick

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These descriptors almost universally come from clearly observable behaviors, thought processes, or attitudes common to a group of people. In and of themselves, most descriptors are neutral – neither good nor bad. It is what we do with them and how we use them that determines their worth and value relationally.

For example, I am a man and my wife is a woman. I have read many books and articles, listened to many audio programs, and attended many workshops in an effort to learn what I need to learn to make our relationship as powerful and dynamic as possible. In nearly twenty years of marriage and after many efforts to understand this other human in my life, I have come to two startling conclusions:

1. In general, men and women do not process information the same way. They do not tend to see the world through the same lens, interact with people in the same way, or have the same emotional needs.
2. No matter how hard I try, my wife will not think the way that I do and I will not think the way that she does.

There, I said it. Men and women are different.

Now, what do I do with this information?

I see two clear options. One, I can label, classify, and put my wife in the “woman” box so that the word “woman” becomes a label on her and her approach to life. Or two, I can use the  “statistical norm” that describes the female perspective to create a reference frame for entering her world to understand her in a deeper and better way.

The first approach leads to stereotyping, criticizing and tolerating the other person. In my experience, I have never met someone who wanted to be stereotyped, criticized, or tolerated.

The second approach leads me to use what I have learned about the “typical” female perspective to discuss things with my wife. (No, I do not believe that there is a “typical” female response. I am using this phrase very lightly, and just to make a point.) Based on this understanding of how women often interpret a situation, I can engage in conversation and dialogue with my wife to better understand her unique perspective. I use the “statistical norm” describing the general female perspective to help me understand how we might see a situation differently. Understanding the general differences gives me a lens to see into her world rather than to reach a judgment of her.

As we work, interact, and communicate with others, understanding our differences can help us to connect at a deeper level. Using this understanding to build bridges to others rather than to label and judge others creates a positive environment where we can move past tolerance to celebration.

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