CEOS. Parents. Dishwashers. Teachers. Children. Anyone can be a leader, including you. When you bring the best out in others so they become higher-performing with and for others – you are a leader. Here are three traits that such leaders share.

1. Act Like You Want Others to Act

Gandhi said “We must be the change we wish to see in the world”. To lead, we must demonstrate the attitudes and behaviors we want to cultivate in others. If you’re a business leader and you want your staff to dress professionally, you set the example by arriving in a suit every day. As a teacher who wants students to learn to make and keep agreements, set deadlines for turning in homework and the timetable for when they will get their corrected assignments back. Keep your part of the agreement.

2. Prove You Care and Value Others Who Do Too

The second element of true leadership is to inspire others to care, not just for those closest to them but as an attitude of support towards all others.

One of my mentors, Dr. Tim Goddard, lost his daughter, Cpt. Nichola Goddard, when she was killed in Afghanistan in 2006. The family was devastated. Thoughout their time of grief for the loss of their daughter, they also sought ways to find positive outcomes from their tragedy, and hope for peace in the world. One way was to start a scholarship fund in memory of their daughter. Scholarships are awarded to graduate students at the University of Calgary are citizens of Papua New Guinea, Nichola Goddard’s birthplace, as well as to citizens of Afghanistan, where she died and to Canada’s First Nations, Inuit or Métis people, with whom Captain Goddard spent many of her formative years.

Canadian Prime Minister, the Rt. Hon. Stephen Harper, thought this scholarship was such an important tribute that he added $25,000 from the Canadian government.

By instinctually acting to care for others, leaders demonstrate an “I’ve got your back” attitude of support that inspires others to act the same. That contagious mutual support enables us to feel part of a larger whole, to be resilient and thus ready to serve each other.

3. Expect Their Best

Leaders empower others by acting as if we can accomplish great things. One of the key ways leaders demonstrate that ‘act as if’ attitude is by appealing to the best side in someone, their strongest talent and deepest belief. When I was coaching a resourceful, dedicated director of a university international language program, she kept describing the barriers she faced. She was frustrated with the limited funding and time she had. I replied that her deep caring for her students and her ingenuity to leverage what she did have were priceless lessons for her students. Her very resourcefulness could be a source of inspiration for her students along with the topic she was teaching. In short I appealed to what mattered most to her and what we both knew she did well. Later, she told me that was a pivotal conversation for her, as she realized that her first order of business was to serve her students and help them become the best they could be.

By practicing these three traits in your work and life situations you’ll hone your natural strengths as a leader and raise the bar of performance for yourself and for others around you.

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You should try to make your company, your division, your department feel to them like a furniture shop felt to the workers, before the industrial revolution.

“Perhaps eight men work there. One of them is the boss. He owns the shop, but he works there, visibly. The other seven receive wages. The work done by the boss is not all done with tools; sometimes he uses a pencil. He draws designs, writes occasional letters, puts down figures about wages, costs, and prices,” wrote Alexander Heron in a little-known 1942 masterpiece, Sharing Information with Employees, the first book ever written on employee communication.

Read Heron’s description of the shop, and reorganize your employee communication program to create a meaningful workplace where workers know what’s happening, and why.

This kind of workplace:

The shop or factory is on the same lot as the house where the boss lives; he owns it. The other seven know how much his taxes are each year. … They were all in on the discussion before the new lathe was bought, and they remember the price and the freight. They remember how the boss borrowed some of the money from his wife’s sister.

They know that the dining room “suit” on which they are working now is for Jane Winton, [who] used to be Jane Carey, the schoolteacher, before she married Bill Winton, the banker. They know it has to be as good as the furniture she saw in Buffalo, and that if it is good Bill’s mother is going to give the boss an order for another lot which will keep them all busy through the winter.

They see the finished job emerging under their skilled hands, day by day. They know how difficult it was to get the seasoned walnut, and what it finally cost, what price is to be paid for the finished job, how much the boss will “make” on it, and how much of that will go to pay off the loan from the sister-in-law.

They know that the boss has gradually built a reputation for honest quality and skilled workmanship and that they are part of that reputation. They know why once in a while they have had to wait a little for their wages—when the taxes had to be paid before the money came in for the new counter and fixtures at the drugstore.

Above all, they know the boss. Their attachment to him is basically not sentimental but practical. He is the salesman who gets the orders which bring work to them. He collects the money which pays their wages. He manages to accumulate the working space and the equipment. They are realistic enough to know that they can get their full and fair share of the income of the business. …

They know. Because they know, they understand. And in that full and simple understanding they “put themselves” into every job.

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Here’s a handy checklist to make your next meeting so productive that people leave with a strong sense of purpose and plans to support each other.

Running the meeting

Be sure to have a clear purpose for each meeting that can be articulated in advance to invited attendees.

Only invite individuals who are needed for the decisions to be made at that meeting.

It is the rare meeting that needs to last more than 20 minutes.

Agree to discuss topics that need joint decision-making or timely clarification of information for individuals to prepare their next actions.

Don’t use meetings for:

• disseminating information that can be shared in other ways.
• report-outs of information that is not relevant to all individuals in the room.

The only people invited to a meeting should be those who have some value to add or something to contribute to the agenda and purpose of the meeting.

What to do before, during and after a meeting

Before the meeting, make sure the topics on the agenda are going to be relevant to everyone in the room. Determine the agenda ahead of time and send it to everyone. Invite them to add to or clarify something on the agenda so that the attendees have some say in what is going to be talked about. They should be part of the decision-making.

During the meeting, engage individuals by name and related to the topic being discussed.  Avoid side conversations or tangential comments.  Avoid “death by PowerPoint” by using it sparingly and with images versus words to best engage the right side of the brain.

To ensure a thread to the group’s conversation, evoke the Native American tradition of using a “talking stick.”  Whoever has the stick gets to talk. When done it is passed to one person who wants to pick up the thread of that conversational point. This helps introverts break into the conversation and be heard without interruption, and it reduces the frequency of people talking over each other or interrupting.

The underlying rule is to let everyone be heard while keeping the conversation flowing towards a collective decision – even if that acknowledged decision is that the group has not yet reached agreement.

Before the meeting is adjourned, review the actions items agreed upon, the person accountable for each and the related timelines. When people feel heard, appreciated, and able to use their best talents, they are more likely to volunteer for tasks.

As a core Rule of Engagement for your meetings, those who are accountable for actions meet their deadlines, brief colleagues sparingly by email and warn them in advance when a deadline cannot be met, providing their alternative plan for completing it.

Some researchers believe that 90 percent of meetings don’t have to happen. If you are calling for a meeting, clearly state the mutual benefit or main goal for all attendees to participate and the specific need(s) for each individual to attend. That is your surest sign of respect and understanding amongst your colleagues.

Further tips for productive meetings

1. Confirm that the suggested meeting time is convenient for all participants
2. Make and stick to an action-based agenda that has received input from participants before the meeting.
3. Listen well: specifically respond to what you hear, proving you understood, and then offer your opinion.
4. Be clear, brief and specific in your communication.
5. Be engaged, purposeful and thoughtful so that you don’t derail the conversation and stay focused on reaching decisions in a timely, collaborative manner.
6. Recognize individuals for their specific contributions.
7. Honor participants’ time: if you are finished with the agenda for a one hour meeting in just 30 minutes, adjourn.  If you are not finished a 30-minute meeting at the 30-minute mark, schedule another meeting and adjourn.
8. Eliminate unnecessary meetings by reviewing the agenda to see if the items could be accomplished by email, phone or smaller meetings of fewer people.

DON’T’S

1. Don’t hog all the airtime.
2. Don’t reprimand anyone in front of the group.
3. Don’t check or use your blackberry, iPhone or other device while in the meeting.
4. Don’t do the opposite of any of the tips listed above – unless you have a better rule to propose – and I encourage you to propose it in the comments below!

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“First, Take Good Care of Each Other.” That’s what the sign in the lobby of each Experient office says. When I was part of the leadership team there, we had a very strong belief that in order to lead the industry in serving our external clients and suppliers, we had to first play well in our own sandbox. The sign in the lobby was a gift from the Anaheim Marriott’s GM, Doug Watson, who also believed in the power of internal customer service.

We all have customers, whether they are external or internal. High-performing organizations will develop and nurture a culture that emphasizes a strong commitment to service, in house and out in the field. Employees who enjoy their jobs and their relationships with their co-workers are more likely to offer excellent service when it comes to the paying customers.

Here are some ways to develop great internal service culture:

Get together — Pot-luck lunches, drinks after work, birthday celebrations, a community project … these are just a few of the ways employees from different departments can come together to get to know each other, beyond the day-to-day grind.

Show gratitude — When was the last time you thanked someone in accounting or told his or her boss how valuable s/he is? How about arranging to have candy or pizza delivered to some of your colleagues who are working through crunch time? Or maybe really blow them away and proactively offer your assistance? Random acts of kindness are truly appreciated, especially by those in the trenches. An organization that has a good balance of timely public and private recognition is sure to have motivated employees.

Walk a mile in their shoes — Does everyone in your organization understand and appreciate the various responsibilities of their co-workers and how they can positively or negatively affect their efforts? Have you ever shadowed another department for a day or even a few hours? This tactic is especially insightful for those departments that rely on each other. Complaints will quickly diminish.

Coordinate deadlines — Instead of directing co-workers to turn a project around by what may be an unreasonable date, ask them what kind of turnaround works for them, given their other priorities.

Cut the gossip — If someone complains to you about another employee, do you instruct them to take their issue directly to that employee or do you help spread the disease within your organization?

Make team decisions — Are decisions made from above and then communicated to the rank and file or are employees asked to provide valuable input on decisions that impact their area?

Standardize service, inside and out — Have you developed best practices for providing service that apply to both external and internal customers?  Do they address speed of response, tone, attitude, and mutual respect? Are they reinforced and recognized on an ongoing basis?

Take Away

To distinguish yourself as an organization that delivers exceptional customer service, you need to start from the inside out, and from the top down. That means cultivating an internal culture of respect and support for each other, from the CEO to the receptionist.

You can help that along by seeking opportunities to:  get together outside of the office, thank each other for a job well done, get to know everyone’s roles, communicate directly with each other, and work together as a team — especially when it comes to making deadlines and decisions.

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For several years, StoryCorps has been running stories of everyday people on National Public Radio, and in the process has evoked memories of people coping and celebrating the challenges and joys that life presents.

While StoryCorps is focused on personal stories, it teaches us key lessons that leaders can practice.

One, listen to one another. StoryCorps invites relatives as well as close friends to venture into their special recording booths to tell their stories via personal interviews. Leaders need no booths or recording devices. They simply need time. And time is what few leaders have, but savvy ones realize that if they can carve out time for their people, dividends in the form of information and insight are valuable. Surveys and polls cannot share the up-close and personal views that individuals carry with them. Listening in can open the leader’s ears to what is happening as well as what is not happening.

Two, share your experience. StoryCorps interviewees become interpreters of unique experiences, such as coping with loss, raising a child, caring for an elderly person, or helping a neighbor. A bond between interviewer and interviewee is shared by radio listeners. The same can occur, but much more directly, when leaders sit down and converse with their people. Genuine leaders are those who can make their listeners feel as if they are the only people in the room. That creates a foundation of trust that is essential to getting things done right, especially in tough times.

There is a third lesson, as evidenced by the vast collection of stories gathered by StoryCorps: all of us have a story to tell. Leaders need to spread the stories of their people as a means of creating meaning as well as purpose to their organization. These stories come in all flavors. Celebrate the good things that employees do for customers. Most often this comes through in customer service people going the extra mile for their customers. But they also come in the stories of volunteerism. So many organizations encourage their people to participate in community service programs, even on company time. The best way to encourage such participation is to allow people to share their stories through the corporate website. Do it via podcast or simple videos, or simple newsletter items.

Stories, as StoryCorps reminds us, are acts of sharing that enables others to gain insight into your own personal experience. Leaders who spread stories are encouraging the practice of learning in ways that extend behind words to create experiences reinforce organizational culture and purpose.

Photo courtesy www.sxc.hu.

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Part One: Focus on “Strengths”
Starting a new collaborative effort means getting to know each individual’s strengths (the ways that person excels). Listening and watching for what excites an individual can provide powerful clues to his/her unique abilities and interests. Often friends or colleagues can offer useful insights as well.

After identifying individual strengths, we determine what the student group, as a whole, is good at. Are many members good at the same things?  That’s where the group’s success will lie. Do members have varying talents? Then the group’s success may mean fusing their strengths into something new.

Part Two: Share the Power
Once a group begins working from collective strengths, it is important to foster shared power. Students find it useful to determine- ahead of time- how they will work together when issues arise. This involves recognizing who has well-developed communication skills and can encourage others to contribute when things get tough. It also involves deciding in advance how conflicts will be managed- through compromise, reframing, voting or what? When people share equal power- not just at the beginning but throughout the collaboration- they are more apt to freely contribute their resources and gifts to create a real win-win.

Part Three: Approach challenges with a positive “learning focus”
When challenges arise, and they always do, I encourage a positive, “learning focus.”  No matter what happens, there is always a way to learn something new. This approach may not come naturally; today’s students are not used to persisting when their vision gets clouded. But, if their work stops, they lose a valuable chance to learn. That’s why emphasizing a “learning focus” becomes critical.

Collaboration in Action
One semester my students worked with a local nonprofit to design a new brochure. The students were excited about creating something innovative. But the community partner wanted a brochure like those from the past. It seemed there was an impasse- the community partner wouldn’t give in and the students grew discouraged. The challenge: break the collaboration or learn. Fortunately, the students persisted.

Their solution? They made two brochures and let the community partner decide which one to use. The students learned, produced some great samples for their portfolios, and the community partner got the unexpected benefit of two brochures.

Celebrate Successes
These out-of-classroom experiences are gratifying for me and eye opening for students. It’s rewarding to see them recognize their strengths, develop ways to share power, and cultivate a “learning focus.” I know their collaborative work gives them important leadership tools for the future. That’s something to celebrate- and we do!

Photo from www.sxc.hu.

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Delivering bad news is as undesirable as it is unavoidable. Nobody wants to do it. Yet sooner or later, most of us have faced the agonizing responsibility of communicating a message about corporate downsizing, quarterly losses, or poor job performance. Even the highest-ranking executives take extreme measures to sidestep the task—they hide out in their offices or delegate the duty to the next in command.

When it comes to delivering the tough stuff, we tell ourselves:

• If I wait, the situation will resolve itself.
• This isn’t a good time; I’ll do it later.

Most likely, these statements are unfounded and thinking them only puts off the inevitable.

Here are some tips on serving up bad news with compassion and dignity:

1) SET THE STAGE for the relationship between the presenter and audience. Identify the goals, needs, and expectations of the audience. Consider the emotional temperature—the nature and intensity of the audience’s thoughts and feelings—that will be brought into the meeting. For example, how will the company downsizing impact them? Then take your own emotional temperature as well.

2) SEND THE MESSAGE. Think about what the audience should be inclined to do, think, or feel at the end of the presentation. Avoid generalities like, “I want them to understand the infrastructure changes.” Instead, think along the lines of “I want them to be excited about the direction our company is taking and see this as a positive change.”

3) ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROBLEM. The Good News: “Congratulations, you’ve been promoted to Managing Director!” The Bad News: “Despite increased performance, there will be a substantial cut in your bonuses.” This message was not likely to be well-received by my client’s group. After Setting the Stage and rehearsing, she began announcing the news by acknowledging the problem, then continued with an outline for turning the situation around. She complimented them on effective teamwork, while keeping the focus of her presentation on how this would translate into future financial rewards for everyone.

4) STAY ON TRACK. The stress of telling someone something they don’t want to hear can be paralyzing. Here are some inner monologues to help you avoid “meltdown.” Repeat these phrases to yourself to help you stay on track:

• I need to tell you this
• We need to discuss this
• You must hear this

5) BE SPECIFIC. Start out with a positive statement about the person’s performance. Make sure it’s sincere, not empty flattery. Then get on to the hard stuff by expressing feelings of concern. Start with, “This is very difficult for me to say, but I need to tell you…” Use specifics, stating clearly what happened and giving as much detail as possible. Provide concrete examples of goals for change as well as target dates. Giving critical feedback won’t work without offering alternative actions and a time period for fulfillment. Finally, solicit feedback. Take into account the listener’s thoughts and perspectives and you will dramatically improve their chances of meeting the objectives.

Photo courtesy of www.sxc.hu.

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During a recent interview with Bob Knorpp of “The Beancast,” the topic of transparency came up. In particular, should the concept of “transparency” be mandatory for companies and their executives? With the pervasiveness of tools like Twitter, blogs and Youtube, it certainly is a lot easier to be transparent. And given the current state of the financial and auto industries, one might think “corporate transparency” might be ripe for its own constitutional amendment.

While those of you that know me understand that I am a big proponent of transparency, I told Bob in our interview that he’s barking up the wrong tree. While we should all strive toward being as transparent as possible, the real holy grail is actually “authenticity.” Yes, the two are linked conceptually, but they mean fairly different things. One is about allowing for complete visibility into one’s public and private activities. The other is focused on the concept of being genuine and communicating real feelings – good or bad.

What does this mean for you? Well, for one it gives you a little bit of wiggle room when it comes to sensitive issues like employee compensation (most folks agree that we really aren’t ready for everyone to know how much we all make). It also means that how you conduct yourself is more important than what you are willing to tell people. To reinforce this point, just see what people are saying about Bear Grylls of tv show Man vs. Wild fame. While his show is much more engaging and exciting than Survivorman, his lack of “authenticity” has hurt his credibility.

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Most of us tend to think of the first conversation, the content, as the important one. We worry a lot about what to say when we’re preparing for an important meeting, giving a big speech, or proposing marriage. We rarely give as much thought to the second conversation: the body language.  Then when the communication doesn’t go well, we’re surprised and don’t understand why.

The reason is usually that our two conversations have been in conflict with one another. Our words were confident perhaps, but our body language — the second conversation was nervous. And as research into how the brain works grows in depth and sophistication, we’re coming to understand that what I’m calling the second conversation is actually more important in some ways than the first one.

What we’re learning is that we get nonverbal, unconscious impulses for a lot of the important things that drive us: relationships, safety, emotional needs, fears, desires, meeting new people, seeing old friends, and so on.  Our bodies immediately start to act on these impulses, and then, a bit later, we form a conscious thought about what we’re doing. It’s as though our rational minds are explaining to ourselves after the fact why we’re doing something.

For example, we are all unconscious experts at reading other people’s body language. But few of us are good at reading body language consciously. Instead, we get impressions and ascribe intent to the other person. We think to ourselves: “He doesn’t like me very much,” or “She’s trying to cut me out,” or “They really think I’m funny.”  And it’s at this level of intent that most of our own body language begins.

If you start to think consciously about your body language because you want to control it and make it align with your content, you run into a problem: you’re thinking consciously about an unconscious activity, which slows your body language down and makes it happen just a bit late. The people around you, those unconscious experts, sense that something is wrong, but they can’t put their fingers on the problem precisely. They’ll think something like: “He didn’t seem real” or “She looked fake — scripted or something.” They won’t tell you the real problem — that your gestures and content are out of sync — because they’re not consciously aware of what’s going on.

Instead, then, of trying to control your body language consciously, work on it unconsciously.  Get an emotional attitude, and because emotion drives gestures, that will take care of your body language.  So, if you’re giving a big speech, decide what your emotional attitude is toward it:  excitement, passion, fun – anything but nervousness.  Then focus on that emotion hard before you start to speak.  Think to yourself: “I’m thrilled to be able to speak with these people. It’s a great opportunity.  I’m going to rock!” You’ll find that your body language and content are aligned when you do this, and you will become a persuasive, effective communicator.

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In this uncertain economy, many are terrified of the “R” words.  Recession. Reorganisation. Redundancy. Because they are in the news and on our minds, we are more likely to act out of fear.  Scooby Doo, the children’s cartoon dog, madly barks “ruh roh!” when things go wrong.   When feeling fearful, it is easy for us to adopt an upset “ruh roh!” reaction to even small problems especially if there’s a cascading series of them.

Worse yet, next we can fall into feelings of discouragement, hopelessness then disengagement. That dip downwards is contagious, like a billowing dark cloud.  It can pervade entire companies and communities. And a leader’s mood profoundly impacts the team’s performance according to a Harvard Business Review article.  Yes, your mood dramatically affects everyone around you – just more if you are the leader

Yet, as I explain in Gospel of Joy, anyone (perhaps you?) can be a catalyst to ignite the spark of “can do” spirit in a workplace, community organization – or home.  Start by adopting the attitude you want to have today.  That’s mood management. Like fear, joy is contagious. In short, How will you perceive your day?  That’s YOUR choice.

Perceptions drive and affect attitudes and behavior.  Whether it’s marketing a brand, making a relationship work, motivating ourselves to do better, being innovative or creative or making a contribution – how we view our current circumstances is how we create our reality.   Your choice to act resilient lifts others up to emulate it – even when they weren’t intending to feel better.  We are instinctively imitative animals.  That’s why your positively contagious mood becomes a performance enhancer for you and for those around you.

What’s the nourishing mood food to sustain you in sticking to positivity? Gratitude, hope, compassion, listening, cheerful enthusiasm, generosity, forgiveness, laughter, reverence, energy and vitality, love and equanimity.

Are you willing and ready to choose joyful working and living  – with others, you trendsetter you? It just might catch on.

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