“My life is the complete opposite of everything that I want it to be.”

Jerry says, “Since all of your instincts are wrong, then the opposite must be right.”

George immediately realizes that this is a great idea. So, instead of ordering his usual lunch, he orders something totally different. Suddenly a beautiful woman turns to look at him. Now, instead of relying on his usual unsuccessful pick-up technique of pretending to more wealthy or more sophisticated than he is, George simply says:

“Hi. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”

She looks at him with a big smile, and answers in a sultry voice. “Hello.”

Later, George takes the woman to a movie. Sitting behind them are two tough looking men who are speaking loudly and kicking their seats. Instead of his normal reaction of shrinking in fear, George stands up and tells them to shut up. Stunned by this direct response, the men cower. Later, George has a chance interview with George Steinbrenner. Instead of trying to flatter him, George confronts Steinbrenner, telling him off for doing a lousy job with the team, and Steinbrenner immediately hires him. Now, with a beautiful girlfriend, new-found confidence, and a dream job, George realizes the power of his new strategy.

George’s new life happened because he identified routine patterns of thought and behavior that don’t work, and found a new way of being that allows for growth, freedom and prosperity. His path to growth includes four essential steps:

1. Objectively look at your situation and, without blame or guilt, acknowledge that there’s a problem. When we do this, new opportunities appear that we could not have imagined
2. Be honest with yourself and with others about who you are; your inclinations, skills, strengths, and limitations. As George discovered, we are most effective, successful, and charismatic when we are honest about who we are.
3. Act with courage. George tells the two loud men in the movie theater to shut up, even though his natural inclination is to do nothing, or to run away. George found that fearful things shrink when confronted head on; they appear to be threatening thugs but are, in reality, just a lot of noise and distraction that dissolve when looked at directly.
4. Speak the truth. George learned that successful people actually want to hear the truth, even when – or especially when -  it is difficult to hear.

As George demonstrated, and as all wisdom traditions tell us, we can choose how we respond to the people and events in our lives, and create new ways of being that bring about positive transformation.

Image by thinkpublic.

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Then one day, I got up the courage to go to the dictionary.  The definition of humility I like the best is “a lack of false pride.”  These words gave me permission to see I didn’t have to be better than anyone else.  More difficult to swallow at first was that no one had to be worse than me. All of that was false pride.   If I could start my meeting assuming we were all on equal footing – coming to the table with individual talents and no answers, things got easier and I seemed to become for myself and others, a more delightful person to be with.

Here’s a tip I use to prep for meetings now that makes me feel empowered and no less or more powerful than anyone else:  I concentrate on what I most want to give to this client, or group.  What in my heart of heart do I know is MINE to give – my gifts.   I give very little thought to what I want to get.   I listen for what others have to give as if I am being given the best they have to give and that collectively we’ll come up with the solutions and answers we need.  In the end, I feel I have played “my part” and I am a “part of” the whole.  It is always personally satisfying.  The results are usually terrific.  It makes me happy.  After all, what I am looking truly for is all the joy I can experience.  I love the whole pie.  I’m no longer so interested in just accepting crumbs.

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